Short Stories
The Riddle That Never Was
"Riddles don't cause me to think. Riddles might as well be a language in and of its own. Believe me: I don't want to learn to speak again."
"You don't want to learn to speak again?"
"Yeah, that's what I said, I don't want to learn to speak again." said the man who could not remember learning to speak the first time.
"Riddles as a language, huh?" Cat said, partly to himself, partly to the man to his right.
Cat considered himself to be a riddle guy. This statement appealed to his riddle like nature.
"I'm a straight shooter," The man said as he ran a finger through his mustache. "I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Now this shit right here," the man pointed to Cat's graffiti. Over a Colgate ad it read:
Who taught you how to thunk?
"This shit don't appeal to me. First of all, what does 'thunk' mean?"
"It's just a funny way to spell 'think'"
"Why not just write 'think' then? 'Who taught you how to think'? What does that even mean?"
"It's supposed to make you think. Think about what? I'm not sure. I didn't think when I did it. I'll leave the why for the people who see."
"Well, like I said, riddles don't make me think."
"I wouldn't exactly call this a riddle."
"It reads like a riddle."
"Maybe a little. If it is a riddle, not even its creator knows its answer."
"Maybe that's part of the riddle. You made me think and you didn't even think. Your thoughts are the one at question here, not mine."
The man really brought perspective that only an average joe could see.
"I see what you mean," Cat said to the man. Suddenly, the man with the hat, the newspaper, the coat, the cigarette… The man of this time seemed, at least for a gentle moment, to be a piece of the riddle. A riddle that was never a riddle.
The man continued to read his paper, while Cat just stared straight ahead. When the train came to a stop the man stood, without a glance or goodbye, and made his way for the street. The thought of this interaction never appeared again in his life. Cat, on the other hand, would dwell on this moment for a very long time.
One rainy evening Cat found himself at a diner with his friend J. Neither one of them had a lot to say.
"Why did you get the scallop soup?"
J suddenly had something to say about what Cat had decided to eat.
"I thought it was strange a diner had scallop soup."
"That's exactly why I wouldn't get it."
The bowl, that once contained scallop soup, now sat empty. The empty soup bowl spoke for the soup. Cat brought out his graffiti notebook and wrote: "Can you pass the scallop test?"
J asked to see the future tag line.
"Got writer's block and constipation? Well, do I have the product for you!" J said and Cat began to laugh.
"What is that?" J said with a smile, "An omage to the acid tests?"
"Something like that."
"Well," J said, patting the table, "I'm going to go make the toilet pay homage to my ass."
Cat laughed and began to look through his tag line book. In it contained hundreds of meaningless tag lines. He closed his eyes and flipped to a random page. When he opened them the line he landed on was: "Ask not what your hair dryer can do for you."
He repeated the process.
"Hairy Canary"
"Above the cellar"
"Rudimentry Argument"
"History forgot the Persian Queen"
"Quota Unfulfilled"
Cat smiled as he remembered the moments that inspired these insignificant lines and the places he had tagged them. His eyes drifted to another line:
Who taught you how to thunk?
Cat remembered the man who turned this line into a riddle. For a brief moment in time, this man had taught Cat how to think. Without even thinking. The average joe, someone Cat tried hard not to know, made a riddle where there was none. He turned his notebook to the latest page and wrote:
"The Magic
Of The Everyday"
When J returned to the table he thanked Cat for the meal.
"No problem, J," Cat said, standing, "hold on real fast, I gotta take a piss." Once in the bathroom, Cat began to piss. The bathroom was surprisingly spotless, with no graffiti- except for one fresh tag right above the commode- it read: "Can you pass the scallop test?"
The rain continued and so did Cat and J's evening. As they walked along the streetlit street J scatted a syncopated beat. He could tell something was wrong with Cat.
"What's the matter Cat?"
"Man, you know I hate it when people tag my tags."
"You better get used to it." J said with a smile, "Tons of people are using your tags now. They got your font down too!"
This was not a fact of life that Cat liked to entertain.
"It doesn't mean you have to." Cat said with a sigh, "I was looking forward to tagging that there."
"I'm glad you didn't!" J said with a laugh, "If you did we'd see 'Can you pass the scallop test?' written everywhere for weeks! I did us both a favor. Look man, if you don't want everyone to copy you, then why not just change your style? Make it so that nobody knows it's you again."
"I wish I could," Cat sighed, "I just don't want to change for the world because the world has changed for me."
For reasons unknown at large, Cat had become a legend in the city streets. He was heralded as the 'Project Prophet'. Why his tags? With their insignificant phrases, written in an almost illegible, chaotic fashion. No one man shall ever know. Some things just grab ahold of people. Cats' art had taken its hold of the streets. The streets turned copycat and now the Cat appears as a washed-up bum.
"Everything dies with popularity, J"
"Gotta write that one, Cat."
Cat pulled out his notebook and wrote that one.
"Cat, look, I understand your frustration, it's just that this acceptance of your work should be treated as a blessing- not a curse."
"Grafitti is the most public form of Art- done in a silent, private manner. Secrecy is the art of graffiti."
"I know, Cat, we've had this conversation before." J said, shaking his head. "The ensemble with no strings, the stage with no actor. The song you've been signing is getting old."
"It's the only song I've got," Cat told J. Cat knew he seemed pretentious. Pretension, he felt, was another escape route from the masses. All Cat wanted, for the time being, was to escape the hidden spotlight. Ironically enough, the very tag that made him famous was a tag that read:
"An Exit Door
Is All
There Is To Offer
Nothing More"
Why this phrase caught on so hot is a complete mystery. But two months ago it spread like wildfire. What once was a profound expression for what art could be, turned to a generic buzz phrase almost instantly.
"An exit door,"
J said,
"That's what you were given
And you're too arrogant
To walk through."
J was sick of Cat's shit. Cat was sick of J's. Cat stopped and J kept walking.
"Catch you, Cat."
"Catch you."
Cat knew what J meant, but J couldn't understand Cat. What J saw as a cash cow, Cat saw as a prison cell. Cat had no idea what it is that he wanted- but to be a passing fad in a passing world was not it. He stopped under some scaffolding to catch a break from the rain and to have a smoke. People passed and they didn't know he was Cat. He liked that. He thought of the memory that elicited the 'exit door' phrase in the first place. It was from this homeless guy who used to hang out in his neighborhood when he was a kid. "The first thing you see in your mothers womb is an exit sign." The homeless guy used to say. "The last thing you see in life is an exit sign. From birth to death, all they want from you is to leave. That's the benefit to living outside: there is no exit in sight." Cat used to believe these to be foolish ramblings from a foolish man- but with the march of time, Cat began to understand these words more and more.
"In one way or another, all we seek is to escape."
Cat thought to himself as he stared off in the distance of the rain soaked streets.
"The Will to escape,"
He pondered,
"Has no escape."
As this thought escaped his mind, a seductive lady of the night entered his vision. Black stockings, black mini skirt and black hoodie that hooded her head. Within the opening was a mass of black hair that appeared as a dark mane for an electrifyingly seductive face. A face that was made for more than to just be seen in passing. As she walked by, she gave Cat the side-eye. Cat tried to play it cool, but there was no hiding the intense longing he had inside. She saw in his eyes the same longing that she sees in every man's eyes. She knew she was a walking lust. Such a fate that she could not escape. No way out, she used her lust as her strength. Cat saw this strength and knew he was no match. He didn't even bother summoning the front lines. As the dark seductress was swallowed by the dark night, Cat had no choice but to just sigh. He had had this exact scenario play out a million times. This time though, he felt that he was someone that she should know. He knew this because the very words he wrote were part of her attire. On her hoodie was a drawing of a door and on this door was an eye with a toothless grin. A finger crossed over the grin as if to say: "Hush." Below this was the famous words of The Cat:
"An Exit Door
Is All
There Is To Offer
Nothing More"
Cat was an artist, and, as all artists know, behind beauty stands something daunting. This unknowable something Cat referred to as: The Haunting. Cat was once a young man full of spunk. Spunk that spun everyday words into phrases that had other worldly meanings. Spunk thus turned to caveat:
"Be Careful
What You Want
For Your Want
In Turn
Turns
To
Haunt"
Today, more than most other days, had given Cat a shoulder too cold to stand. He made his way back to the place he called home:
The Golden Relief
When he arrived he looked up at the marquee. It read:
Blue Jade
-From The Morning Star-
An act the Cat had never heard of before. He made his way inside and found Sandy sitting at the ticket booth. She looked up from the book she was reading and was very delighted to see the face of Cat.
"Cat!" Sandy said with delight.
"Hi Sandy," Cat said with a smile and a newly regenerated mood.
"Where have you been? You've been away from the homestead a couple of days."
"I know I've missed you guys." Cat said sweetly. "I stayed a couple of days with my aunt and a night with my buddy."
"Which buddy would that be?" Sandy asked very motherly.
"J"
"Isn't he the one that's homeless?"
"Yeah." Cat said sheepishly.
"So where did you sleep? On the streets?"
"Technically a bench in the park."
"A bench in the park," Sandy repeated in a disappointed manner, shaking her head, "An artist can starve, but should always have a roof overhead. I was worried that's where you were last night."
Cat just stood there and shrugged his shoulders. He hated when Sandy talked to him as if she was his mother.
"I was planning to stay out again tonight but we had a fight."
"Thank God for that." Sandy said, sensing Cat's annoyance, "How's your aunt?"
"She's good. A little lonely, but who's not?"
"We're all a little lonely, Cat, there's no escaping that."
"Seperation is the basis of life, my dear Sandy." Cat said in a funny English accent.
"Shut the fuck up. Don't start with that." Sandy said, as they both began to laugh.
"Did you guys get a new trinket for the counter?" Cat said, pointing to a tiny jade statue of a frog sitting on a ball and playing guitar.
"Nah, Blue Jade asked us to set it out on the counter. It's a good luck charm, I suppose."
Cat picked it up and examined it.
"It looks expensive. Who is this Blue Jade group?"
"I thought the same thing. It's quite beautiful, actually. It is not a group, it's just this man who goes by Blue Jade. I had never heard of him either. He's got soul, that's all I know."
Cat listened intently to the muffled sound of Blue Jade down the hall. He heard a soulful voice and a bluesy sounding guitar.
"That's odd," Cat said, perplexed, "when I first came in I could've sworn I heard multiple voices."
He listened to the man sing again.
"He's definitely got soul."
"Yeah. Class act that Blue Jade."
"Have you guys been busy tonight?"
"Slower than the average Wednesday, if that tells you anything. Probably because of all the rain."
"Probably," Cat said, still confused on how he heard multiple voices when there was only one.
"Blue Jade From The Morning Star." Cat said, half to himself, half to Sandy.
"It's a cool name. Sounds like one of your tag lines." Sandy looked at her watch. "He's already gone over his time. You should go check him out, he might have another song left."
"Alright Sandy," Cat said, tapping the counter, "I'll catch you in a minute."
"Catch ya, Cat."
Cat proceeded to walk down the long hall to the left and as he entered into the main room, applause broke out. He saw a black man upon the stage, he had on shades and a gigantic smile. He was dressed sharp, as people used to dress in the earlier days of this century. He looked like a relic out of time. The guitar he played was an ES-335. Satin Blue. Cat could not play guitar, but he knew all the types by heart.
"Thank you. Thank you." Blue Jade said as the applause hushed and the crowd sat back down in their seats. "Well, it appears I am out of time. If Harry should allow it, I shall play one more tune for you."
Standing behind the bar in the back of the room Harry shouted,
"It's your world, not mine, Blue Jade!"
The small crowd erupted in a short applause.
"Thank you, Harry," Blue Jade said, with a grin. "Let's all give a round of applause to our hosts, Sandy and Harry."
Once more there was a short applause for the couple who owned the venue.
"The Golden Relief," Blue Jade began, "a good a club as any!"
Blue Jade played a melodic chord of mixolydian delight.
"Now, this next song is dedicated to all you cats out there who got something to say- but ain't quite sure how to say it. Take it from Blue Jade, folks, the less we say about it, the better."
Cat just stood in awe, if there ever was a song just for him, this surely was it. Blue Jade moved to an A# diminished and began the harmoniously haunting pattern of jazzy blues chords.
"I've Seen The Light
Of The Darkest Night
I've Talked to God's
And Devil's
Face to Face
I've Been to Heaven
I've Been to Hell
Of Stories
Well…
I've Got a Couple
To Tell
I'm Not Allowed
To Say it Straight
So All I'll Say
Is That
I'm a Miserable Venus
And a Joyous Neptune
My Name
Is Blue Jade
Now
Listen
To My Tune"
Blue Jade began an interlude of emotions. The crowd, including Cat, had never heard such a melody before. The chords were still there, and so was the tune. This was not jazz. This was not the blues. This was Magic. An unconscious river of sound, drowning out the mundane mind. They were no longer in a small club in New York City, they were no longer in America, they were no longer on Earth, they were no longer in the Universe. In that moment, they went to a place that existed between the spaces of time. Blue Jade's fingers took them to a place where all things exist as One. A place well known to yogis and prophets and saints. A place that mundane folks such as these, could only know in passing. And as quick as he brought them there, he brought them home. It was over before they even knew it began. Grinning, as if he knew what he had done, Blue Jade ended it with an A# diminished. And if the chord was not there, you would've been able to hear a pen drop. Enough tears were shed to fill a large cup. Standing and bowing, Blue Jade told the still entranced masses,
"That's All Folks,"
Aloof as the Sun and the Moon, Blue Jade walked backstage to his dressing room.
The crowd sat in silent contemplation for an uncomfortably long time.
"What just happened?"
A wife asked her husband.
"I'm not sure, honey.
I'm not sure
Of anything
Anymore."
And so it was, as it had been before, Blue Jade had taken his guitar and transformed it into a magic wand. His chords, his words, his disturbingly melodic tune, acted as a cosmic spell for every fortunate soul who heard. And now that it was over, it was as if someone took a clover off their four leaf clover. Never hearing music quite the same, they would never forget his name:
"Blue Jade From The Morning Star"
Everyone in the room just sat and stared at the stage, as if there was more to come- but nothing came. The overhead lights were turned on at a much slower rate than usual. Harry made his way to the stage.
"As always," Harry began to tell the crowd, "we'd like to thank everyone for making it out. Tonight was an unusually magical night- there will be many more in the future, so please do come back again. My name is Harry and I own this joint. I wish all of you a happy and safe night. See ya next time."
Once everyone in the audience had made their way out of the room, Cat and Harry made their way for the bar.
"Would you like a drink, Cat?"
"I'd love one Harry."
Harry made two whiskeys on the rocks. They each made a big gulp and Harry made two more. Harry made his way around the bar and sat with Cat.
"Glad to have ya back, Cat."
Harry said, patting Cat on the back as he sat down.
"That was quite a welcome home."
Cat said as he took a sip.
"I still feel mesmerized. I can't believe I missed his whole act."
"Well you came at the right time. His set was incredible, but that last tune was something other worldly."
They sat staring off into space as Sandy came up from behind.
"Boy, that was an odd crowd tonight. They all had forgotten that they checked their hats and coats. I had to yell at them as they were leaving- it was as if they were in a trance or something."
Harry and Cat sat in a similar state.
"Hey? Are you guys okay?"
"He really did a number on us, Sandy." Harry told his wife, "Just ask Cat, we've never heard music like that in our whole lives."
"It's true Sandy. I feel like my spirit just lost its virginity."
"Well what the fuck Cat!" Sandy said as she hit Cat on his back, "If you'd been here earlier you'd have been running the counter!" She said playfully and began to laugh.
"If that was the case, I'd at least have the luxury of knowing what to think." Cat told Sandy in a surprisingly sullen manner.
"Damn," Sandy said, surprised, as she began to go behind the bar to make herself a drink. The downfall of a moment of ecstasy is, well, the downfall. Once back on Earth, the dim light of heaven can do more harm than good. Sandy began to shake her drink up real good and poured the fruity, foamy mixture into a glass. As she turned to face the two men, a light in her eyes began to shine.
"Well if it isn't the man of the hour!" Sandy said with delight as the musician approached the bar. He set his guitar case on the floor and laid his big hands on Cat's slender shoulders.
"You've really done a number on everyone, Blue Jade! I've never seen nothing like it!"
"Thank you, Sandy, if I do say so myself, there isn't anything like it. At least not on this planet." Blue Jade said with a laugh and a smile. Cat looked up and looked into his face. The light of his eyes were blocked by his sunglasses, but it shown through his entire face. His whole aura was that of his tune. Not a Soul on Earth could be near and not swoon.
"Well now, you must be the famous Cat." Blue Jade said as he extended his hand parallel with Cat's chest. Cat gave him his hand and shook long and firm.
"From one Prophet to another it certainly is a pleasure and an honor to meet a world-honored one." Blue Jade told Cat as he sat beside him at the bar.
"It's an honor to meet you as well." Cat said, star struck, "I'm not even sure what to say, I'm a nobody, especially when compared to an artist like you."
"As they say," Blue Jade said with a smile, "all glory before the humble."
"I hope you don't mind," Sandy told Cat, "we had some time before the show and we told your story to Mr. Blue."
"And what a story it is," Blue Jade added, "an alley cat gets his claim to fame and refuses to cash in on his prize. At the end of the day, renunciation may just be your claim to fame."
"Thank you sir, I really do appreciate the kind words." Cat said, finally giving in to the compliments.
"You want a drink Blue? I can make you whatever you want." Sandy asked, excited to put a few back with the musician.
"That's quite alright Sandy, I've got enough spirits in me as is. I was just coming over a minute to get to know the Cat."
When he said this Sandy gave a quick look to Harry and told him they outta count the registers and do the books. Harry agreed. They took the cash from the bar and made their way to the front.
"They seem like real nice folk."
"They are- they have become family to me."
"That's good, son, a man with no family is a man who just appeared out of the blue." Blue Jade said with a smile, "They let you live here, huh?"
"Yeah that's right, I sleep on that couch in the back room. I clean up, do the books and count the cash, whatever they ask me to do. In exchange I get a roof full time. I couldn't ask for much more."
"Well that's mighty fine there, Cat, you got everything a man could need in life." Blue Jade said as he slid his Jade laden golden pinky ring up and down his finger. "But is that what life is all about? Getting what you need? Now, I know every man has his wants- and I'm the kind of fella that feels that a man's wants are his needs. Ya feel me?"
"I do feel you," Cat said with a sigh, "the thing is, I just don't know what it is that I want. As it stands today: I feel as though there is nothing that I desire." Cat sat in silent reflection for a moment. "Ultimately what I want right now is to know what I want."
Blue Jade sat back in his seat and put his large arm around Cat's chair.
"Well, I can't help ya there Cat. Most men know what they want, but they don't know why. You're ahead of the curve, as far as I'm concerned. What I do know is that some people are getting rich from your work. And I know you're an artist- you never wanted to make merch- nor should you have to. All I'm saying is:
"If you wanted
You could want
For more."
Cat fought the urge to bring out his notebook and write that line.
"What do you suggest that I desire?"
"Cat," Blue Jade said in a more serious manner, "no man can tell another man what he should want. I can only tell you what I want for you."
"And what would that be?" Cat said with big eyes.
"To escape."
"To escape?" Cat said, confused. "Just like my tag line?"
"That's right. Just like your tag line."
"I'm not even sure what that line even means. I didn't think when I wrote it."
"As it is with desire- it comes before thought."
Blue Jade's stature was that of two of Cat. Blues' once warm mood had turned a little cool and Cat became a tad intimidated.
"I've got a door for you, Cat, but once you leave, ain't no coming back."
Cat wasn't quite sure what to say- seeing as though when Blue said this it sounded more like a threat than an offer.
"Well," Cat began, his voice a little smaller, "I'm very interested to hear your offer."
"An exit." Blue Jade said, completely monotone, flatline and as cold as ice.
They sat there staring at each other for a long couple of seconds. Blue Jade's smile began to rise and the ice quickly turned to steam.
"Well, Cat," Blue Jade said as he began to stand up, "hopefully the next time you see this face- there won't be anything left for you to want."
Cat stood on his feet and stuck out his hand.
"I take it I'll hear from you again soon?"
Blue Jade put his massive hand into Cats and shook long and firm.
"If I can't find you, you'll find me."
He proceeded to pick up his guitar and walk away. He was almost out the door and Cat stopped him.
"Hey Blue Jade."
"Hey Cat."
"What was the name of that last tune?"
"A Voodoun Reprise."
Blue Jade said with a smile and a tip of his hat. And just like that- he was gone.
Shortly Harry and Sandy returned from doing the books. Cat had made himself another drink.
"So, Cat, what did he have to say?" Harry asked Cat as he sat back down beside his side.
"I suppose he wants me to collaborate with him- in some way shape or form." Cat said in an unenthusiastic manner.
"Cat!" Sandy said as she laid a hand on his shoulder, "That's awesome! Coming from an artist like him, he must really see a lot of potential in you!"
"Yeah that's awesome Cat!" Harry said, softly punching him in the arm. "Did he go into details about what he wants you guys to do?"
"Not at all," Cat said emotionless, "I'm left now with more questions than answers."
"Well," Sandy said looking at Harry, "what did he say to you?"
"He told me he's going to help me escape- but that was it. Escape from what and how he didn't say. In fact, it felt as though he was giving me an ultimatum. It was almost like he was threatening me."
Harry and Sandy looked at each other confused. They both sensed Cats' reservations.
"Well, Cat," Harry began, "I've dealt with artists for a very long time. Sometimes they say things in a roundabout manner. At the very least you know that a man of his talent wants to work with you. He sees something in you that you don't see."
"Maybe so," Cat said with a sigh, "but after that conversation I think I'd rather just work alone. Besides, I'm not a musician, what could he want from me?"
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Cat." Sandy said as she began to rub his back. "Whatever you choose to do, we're here for you."
Sandy and Harry thought it best just to just let that conversation be.
"Say, Cat, would ya like another drink?"
"More than anything," Cat said with a smile. Sandy made her way behind the bar to make rounds for the three. Once the drinks were made she proposed a toast:
"Here's to free will."
With that the glasses clinked, the mood softened and their bellies alighted.
After a couple of more rounds of drinks and a lot of laughs, Harry and Sandy decided it was best that they call it a night. It was one in the morning and they still had a train to catch.
"Cat, we love you kid." Sandy told Cat.
"I love you guys too." Cat said with a gentle smile.
"Clean up all the tables and sweep and mop in here in the morning if you don't mind." Harry asked of Cat. "We don't have a show tomorrow but we'll be back here sometime in the afternoon."
"Sounds good Harry."
Sandy and Harry made their way for the door and Cat followed behind them so that he could lock it up for the night. As they were saying their final goodbyes, Sandy noticed that Blue Jade's frog still sat on the counter.
"Oh well," Harry said, "We'll just have to call his agent tomorrow to get it back to him."
With that the doors were locked and Cat was all alone. Just how he liked it.
Cat made his way back to the bar, made one last drink, turned out all the lights and made his way behind the stage to his room. He changed into some pajamas and recovered a joint he had stashed away. The couch, now equipped with a quilt and a pillow, was his favorite place to be. He smoked the joint and read a comic book. He felt in this moment that both his needs and wants were fulfilled. With joy in his head and peace in his heart, he turned off the lamp and drifted off to sleep. He had decided he wanted nothing to do with Blue Jade. If he was going to escape, he'd do it his own way.
That night he had an unusually vivid dream. There was no scene but darkness. Standing in front of him, that he could somehow see, was the girl he saw on the street. He couldn't see her face within the hood and when she spoke to him it was as if the voice was coming from behind him.
"Remember Me
Lover
And Remember
My Words
Sometimes Lullabies
Are Written
For The Purpose
Of Waking
You
Up"
And suddenly the tune from the Voodoun Reprise began to play. It played softly, sweetly on a nylon string guitar. Cat awoke, wide awake and looked at his watch. It read 3:33. Still the middle of the night. Cat lay there for a minute or two in a half asleep state, when he noticed something odd- though he was no longer dreaming, he could still lightly hear the melody being played. He couldn't believe his ears. Switching the lamp on he looked about the room. Of course, there was nothing there to elicit the sound. Jumping up, half with curiosity, half with fright, he went and stood on the stage. Still the tune rang clear. With haste he began to make his way to the front door. As he walked down the long hall the tune became a little bit louder, a little bit clearer. He entered into the ticket booth and it was as if someone was playing guitar in there. Full of fear, he quickly switched on the light. With that the sound was gone. And before his eyes sat on the counter the jade frog. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his hands.
"What in the fuck,"
He said to himself.
He just stood there looking at the expensive looking thing and scratching his head. He didn't know what to think. He had examined it earlier and knew it was made all of jade. As illogical as it may seem, maybe he missed something. He decided to examine it once again and as soon as his fingers made contact with the jade he was standing in the street. A particularly busy street in the middle of the day. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his hands.
"What in the fuck,"
He said to himself.
He just stood there in complete shock and observed the people walking by and the traffic in the road. Horns honked and people yelled. No differences in appearance between this place and New York City.
"What in the fuck,"
He said to himself again.
He looked at the building he just appeared in front of and looked up. It appeared to be just as tall as the Empire State. Carved in stone on its face read:
"The Blue Jade Collective"
"What in the fuck,"
He said to himself for the fourth time.
He couldn't make heads or tails of this situation. He had no choice but to walk up the stairs and enter the building. Inside he found a magnificently luxurious lobby. Spacious and grand, adorned with frescos and marble statues of the same jade frog. There was a large desk ahead of him and elevators behind the desk. Cat approached the desk and a security guard sat there reading a newspaper.
"Uh," Cat said with a cough to regain his voice, "hello."
The security guard put the paper away and stood at attention.
"Hello there, how may I help you?"
"Uh, is Blue Jade around?"
The security guard chuckled, "why, yes, he's all around." He opened a drawer at the desk and pulled out a clip board with a list. "You must be the next appointment- come with me."
The guard turned and began to make his way to the elevators. Cat had no choice but to follow. He scanned his badge and the doors of the elevators opened wide. He and Cat both made their way inside. Once inside the guard scanned his badge again and the doors closed and the elevator began to rise. The elevator had no buttons. Only a sensor used for reading badges.
"You're a lot calmer than most people coming here for an appointment." The guard told Cat as they waited.
The guard was six-foot-five and three hundred pounds. Cat had no choice but to take a deep breath and go along for the ride.
"Is that so."
"Yeah," the guard said, "say, you must be pretty important. Not just anyone gets to meet with people this high up."
"Is that so."
"Yeah," the guard said, "say, what do you do?"
"I'm a graffiti artist."
"A graffiti artist?" The guard said surprised, "not sure what use they'll have for you. So you spray paint pictures and stuff?"
"No, not really, I just tag phrases."
"Phrases? You mean you're not a picture guy?"
"Not a picture guy."
"Huh," the guard said as he scratched his head, "you don't seem that important to me."
"Me either," Cat said as they finally reached their destination.
The doors slid open and the guard told Cat, "Well, I'm not the brain of the operations, who am I to judge? Good luck though kid, I'm sure you'll make the right choice."
He gave a head nod to Cat and Cat did the same. Cat walked out of the elevator and the doors shut behind him. He was now standing in a very small room that resembled a waiting room you'd see at the dentist. A beautiful woman sat behind the desk at the back of the room. Cat walked up and recognized her immediately. She was the Moroccan surrealist painter that had disappeared without a trace. Her face was all over newspapers for what seemed like years. Cat was a very big fan of her work.
"Hello, you must be Cat," she said with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes.
"I know you, you're…"
She put a finger to her lips to tell him to hush. Her eyes went to her right and Cat looked to the left. There was a door.
"You must be mistaken, we have never met before. Welcome to The Blue Jade Collective. We're certainly glad you have been chosen to be invited in." As she was telling Cat this she was writing something down. "If you would have a seat, they'll be with you shortly." She folded up the piece of paper up and handed it to Cat.
"Thank you," Cat said with a smile, taking the piece of paper and sitting down. Once sitting he opened the piece of paper. It read:
"Whatever deal they give you
TAKE IT
If you reject their offer
You will have to meet
With the president
I'm not sure
What happens from there
But I know everyone
Who goes in his office
Goes right
To the prison camps
One way
Or another
You'll be a slave
Might as well
Be a high class one"
Cat looked up at the artist from Morocco who had disappeared without a trace. There she sat, shrugging her shoulders. There Cat sat. As confused as ever.
Shortly, the door opened and out came a woman with a suit on and a short hair cut.
"Cat?" She said, as if there were more people in the waiting room.
"Yes?"
"We're ready to see you." She said with no emotions and no smile. Cat got up and walked through the doorway. The lady shut the door behind them. Inside the room was a large mahogany table, a fireplace and large windows with a great view of the immense city. At the table stood four men on the right and four men on the left. Every man had a glass of whiskey in front of them. The woman made her way to the head of the table on the far side. She gestured for Cat to take the seat at the head nearest to him. When he stood in front of the seat, the woman in the suit instructed everyone to have a seat. They all did, including Cat. Cat had a glass of whiskey in front of him as well. He drank it all in one gulp. When he did, a woman appeared to refill his glass. She was wearing a veil to conceal her face- but she wore some type of see-through silk. He could see every inch of her curves. As she refilled his whiskey, her eyes met his and he began to get hard. She kissed his temple and said, "Welcome." As she walked away, he couldn't help but stare at her voluptuous curves.
"Welcome, Cat," the lady at the head of the table said, "to The Blue Jade Collective. Thank you for joining us today. Not that you had any choice- I know you're confused as everyone in this room was when we were invited in- so if you have any questions- now is the time."
"Well, first of all," Cat was fidgeting and trying to hide his erection, "where are we?"
"We are within the body of the one known as Blue Jade."
The shock on Cat's face spoke for him, for he had no words to say.
"I know it's odd," the woman continued, with no emotions, "but this is the situation as it stands. We all went through the shock that you're going through." The men around the table looked at Cat and shook their heads in agreement. "Shock or no shock, the situation is as it is," the lady began, offering little to no solace to Cat, "what you are now is but a blood cell to The Collective of Blue Jade. Just as your body is made of living things, this is what you are to he. There is no more you, no more me." The woman stopped to let Cat soak this in. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his hands.
"What in the fuck,"
he said to himself.
The woman, who had been selected for this position due to her lack of empathy, continued on, "Yes, what the fuck indeed. Well, now that the questionnaire segment is over, we'll go over the contract drawn up for you."
There was a contract in front of Cat with text so small it was impossible to read.
"I know you cannot read that, but you have been selected to fulfill the role of High Priest. This the highest possible duty that anyone in the Collective could obtain. Well, second to the president, of course. You will answer to nobody but him. This is the highest possible honor and I would like to congratulate you." Everyone in the room, including the woman in the suit and the veiled seductress, stood and applauded. When they sat back down the woman continued, "Of course you will live a life of luxury and high esteem. To be frank, you won't have to do a damn thing. Wine and concubines will be your lot for the rest of your life."
Cat looked over at the veiled woman in the corner of the room. She sat in a chair and Cat watched as she rubbed her clit and moved her body in a serpentine fashion. His dick was harder than it had ever been in his life.
"She's a dime a dozen, Cat." A man in the middle of the table said. "There's thousands of girls even more beautiful than her. And they are all for you. All you have to do, Cat, is sign on the dotted line."
Cat looked down at the contract and looked at the dotted line. Both Cat and his dick couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth next:
"What if I don't?"
"Well, you'll have to meet with the president himself. Most likely, you'll be sent to a work camp. Hard manual labor for the rest of your days."
Cat looked back over at the woman and she was beckoning for him to come over. He looked down at the dotted line. In his head he heard the girl from the street and his dream say:
"Remember me."
Cat sighed a deep sigh. He himself could not believe the words that came out of his mouth.
"I refuse to sign
Take me
To the president."
There was an audible gasp in the room. The beautiful woman put both of her hands over her eyes. Again, with no emotions, the lady at the head of the table spoke, "Choices have been made. I will now take you to he who has no name."
The woman stood and began to make her way for the door. Cat followed. She opened it and pointed for Cat to walk to the elevator. Cat did and she shut the door. When the door opened, Cat walked in and the girl at the desk asked, "What have you done?" Cat shrugged his shoulders and the doors closed taking him up even higher. It stopped and Cat just stood there for an uncomfortably long time. Then, slowly, the doors slid open. What was revealed on the other side was a tiny office with no doors to come or go. The walls and the floor were painted black as night. There was a magnificent wooden desk and an ordinary lamp that was clicked on. The wall behind the desk had a painting of the same jade frog that got Cat in this situation to begin with. Cat walked in and the doors shut behind him. In front of him was a chair and he sat in it. The president sat in a chair but Cat couldn't see him- seeing as though it was turned around. He could tell that he was smoking a cigar from the smell and the smoke. Slowly, the chair turned around and Cat couldn't believe his eyes. The president was a human sized frog.
"Cat, Cat, Cat," the president said, "what's wrong? Your tongue got you?" The best way to explain the president's voice is that it has the timbre of rain falling against the ocean. "Tsk, tsk, tsk," the president said as he took a hit of his cigar, "plans were made and plans were ruined." He blew out a big puff of smoke.
"What do you want for me?" Cat asked.
The president looked at him as if he was dumb, "To be the High Priest! Did they not explain that to you in the conference room?"
"Well, yes."
"And they explained to you that you're now a member of The Collective? Yes?"
"Well, yes, but.."
"There is no but!" The president said, slamming his froggy hand on the desk. "I do not want to hear anything of a life that is no more! Here you are and here you shall stay!"
Cat just sat there and observed the president. He was handsome like a man and endearing as an animal. Truly a spectacle worthy of awe. He couldn't help but smile.
"Okay," Cat said, and in that moment he truly accepted his fate, "so there's no way for me to escape?"
The president sighed, "If it was up to me, there wouldn't be. But alas, the rules are the rules."
Cat perked up in his seat.
"What are the rules?"
The president let out an even bigger sigh, "If you answer my riddles three, you may be free."
"You've got to be kidding me." Cat said with a snicker.
"I'm as serious as serious can be." The president said seriously. "I must warn you, though, not one person has even answered the first one. I'll give you one last chance: would you like to be my High Priest? You'd live a life of decadence and luxury. Any sensual pleasure will be yours. Never will you want, never will you need."
"High Priest? What does that even mean?"
"It means you will lead the masses in devotion to The One known as Blue Jade."
"Masses? You mean the Souls stolen from Earth?"
"Stole is but one word." The president said as he took another hit of his cigar. "Those Souls were stolen from Heaven. Everything is moving from one place to another. Everything is up for grabs."
"Hmm," Cat said, giving this a moment of thought, "I didn't know free enterprise could apply to Eternal Souls."
"Sure," the president said, blowing out a billow of smoke, "what do you think the Catholic Church has been doing for all these years? Now instead of being a cell in the body of God- you're a cell in the body of Blue Jade. Praise be to The Ancient Bluesy One!"
"Ancient One? Hold on, how long has this been going on?"
"Well," the president said, putting a froggy finger on his chin, "I've been president for a little over two hundred years, and there were countless presidents before me. Ahh, I suppose this has been going on since the dawn of time."
Cat just sat in shock.
"Look at it this way," the president said, putting his froggy hands together to form a triangle, "in principle: you were somewhere else, and now you're here. As legend would have it, the same thing happened to Blue Jade. And, in his ancient mystic ways, he figured out how to do the same."
Cat began to ponder the dimensionality and complexity in which this would imply. It was too much for his mind.
"So he's not from Earth?"
"No. The furthest his lineage can be traced is to Venus."
"Oh, right, 'From The Morning Star' is in his name."
"Correct." The president said as he continued to hit his cigar. They sat in a much needed silence for a moment. "So, Cat, all things considered, what do ya say?"
Cat didn't have to consider anything.
"What's riddle number one?"
The president put out his cigar on an ash tray on his desk and hunched over.
"Fuck." The president said, stopping to think for a moment. "Well, it's your damnation, not mine." The president sat back in his chair, crossing his legs and his arms. "Before I start, I'll tell you this: these riddles were not written by me- they are as old as time itself. No one knows who wrote them." The president said in a solemn, serious tone. "And I'll tell you this: if you get them right, not only will you be free- but Blue Jade will cease to be."
"You mean everyone will be free?" Cat asked with huge eyes.
"That's right, Cat, even me. I myself am somewhat cheering for you. Though it is as certain as the day is night: You will lose."
"I have no choice, Mr. President, I must put up a fight."
"And I commend your bravery. This is not an easy choice to make." The president said with a nod of his head. "Now," The president began and stuck up a single froggy finger,
"Riddle Number 1:
Who?"
Cat did not know how he knew
But he knew
"N-U-N
Nun."
At that moment a loud bellow of thunder rang out. The president's eyes became wide eyed.
"How?"
The president asked
"Is that riddle number 2?"
"No. How did you know that?"
"I don't know. I just knew."
The president scratched his chin and stared at the ground. Under his breath he said,
"Holy shit,
The Prophecy must be true."
With a renewed sense of urgency, he looked back to Cat and stuck up two froggy fingers.
"Riddle Number 2:
Mausoleums
The Ancient Resting Place
For Dreamers
What Once Put Us To Sleep
May Now Wake Us Up."
"Lullabies."
This time an even louder crack of thunder shook the whole building. The president let out a croak.
"Well, that one was a little more straight forward wasn't it?" The president said with great anticipation.
"I suppose? It doesn't make any sense though."
"That's the point," the president said, "Blue Jade didn't think anyone would get this far. Well.. Here we are." The president stuck up his three froggy fingers.
"Riddle Number 3:
Replace the U
With
I
Now
Who Are You?"
Cat remembered the subway ride. He remembered the man.
He remembered the riddle.
He smiled.
"Me."
The loudest strike of lightning Cat had ever heard was struck. Then so much rain began to pour- as if the firmament had broken in two.
"Cat!" The president said, "You've done it!" He was crying, tears of joy or of fright, not even he knew. Cat was excited and bounced up and down in his seat.
"Hell yes! Now what?"
The president was excited too.
"I don't know!" He said, putting up his hands, "This is all new to me!"
At that moment the ding from the elevator was heard- and then the sliding of the doors. The president's face went from amazement to shock.
"No!" he screamed.
Cat turned around and saw the veiled woman in the see-through silk. She was wielding a dagger. Cat turned back around and looked at the president.
"Holy shit! Is she here to kill you?"
The president was now in a hysteric frenzy.
"Cat! You gotta help me!"
At that moment Cat knew what to do. He stood up and immediately jumped over the desk and pinned the frog on the ground. The president began to scream and fight- but he wasn't very strong. Cat pinned his arms and rolled on his back. The lady walked over seductively and wasted no time. She slit the president's throat and let out a cackle of both angelic and demonic delight. Cat let go of the president and his body just lay on the ground seizing. The woman looked Cat in the eyes.
"Find me
On the other side."
And just like that there was a loud explosion and the building began to fall as if it was a controlled demolition.
"Cat! Cat!" Harry was shaking Cat. "Cat!"
He awoke with a jolt and grabbed Harry by the neck.
"Harry!"
Cat was lying on the floor in the ticket booth.
"How fucked up did you get last night?" Harry sniffed, "And did you shit your pants?"
Cat had in fact shit his pants.
"I… I…"
Harry was disgusted.
"Look.. Cat.. I'm gonna go get some lunch. Get cleaned up and we can talk about this later."
"I… I…"
Harry made his way out of the front door. On his way out Cat heard him say, "What in the fuck?"
Cat sat up and rubbed his eyes and looked at his hands.
"What in the fuck,"
he said to himself.
He stood up and looked on the counter for the jade frog- but it was gone. There lie instead a real dead frog. The dead president. Proof. It wasn't just all a dream. Cat took the body of the frog back to his room to regroup. He went to the bathroom, showered and got clean. He then gathered what little belongings he had. It could all fit into a single backpack. The last thing he was going to put in there was the comic book he had been reading before he went to sleep. He had forgotten what it even was.
"Kermit's Adventures in Kemet."
It read.
He chuckled, "Huh, I guess that's how I knew."
Cat then left The Golden Relief for the final time- without saying goodbye. With a dead president in tow, he knew he would soon have many more to show. He knew then that life was a riddle that would unfold for those with heart. He knew what haunted us and what we all secretly wanted: An Exit Door.
And as for Blue Jade.. Well.. The world would miss his tune. And where he now resided- no one knew. Unfortunately for him:
The Cat was out of the bag
In This Ancient Mausoleum
We Sleep
Our Ancient Slumber
Lullabies
Awaken Our Souls
To The Realization: